Wife : Lets go for a dinner tonight.
Husband (HR Manager) Ok.
Husband : Should we go to a cheaper restaurant ? 
Wife : No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.
Husband : (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.
On the way, around 6.30 pm...
Husband : Once upon a time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris and defeated me.
Wife : What's so difficult in it?
Husband : Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.
Wife : I can easily beat you.
Husband : Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.
Wife : Let us have that competition right now.
Husband : So you want to see yourself defeated?
Wife : Let's see.
They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...
After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up. 
The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, "You lose."
The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home and happy as she won the bet.

Moral : 
Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment!

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. 

This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. 

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make Rs.300/- a week. Why?"

The CEO then hands the guy Rs.1,200/- in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

A man has a headache and goes to see the doctor. 
The doctor says "I have bad news and good news. "

The bad new is that you have a Brain tumor And the good news is that we can do a Brain transplant

We have just admitted a couple who was in a car accident. We can get you one of their brains. The male brain will cost your insurance company Rs.5,00,000, and the female brain will cost Rs.1,00,000."

The man says "I hate to be rude, but why does the male brain cost so much more than the female brain?" 

The doctor replies "Because the male brain has never been used."

Wife: इतने लेट कैसे ?



Husband: वो क्या होगया ना की एक आदमीकी १००० रुपये की नोट गूम हो गयी थी |



Wife: अच्छा ... तो तुम क्या उसे धुंड ने में मदद कर रहे थे ?



Husband: नहीं ... मै उस नोट पे खड़ा था |
डॉक्टर - आपके तीन दांत कैसे टूट गए ?



मरीज - पत्नी ने कड़क रोटी बनाई थी.



डॉक्टर - तो खाने से इनकार कर देते !



मरीज – जी, वही तो किया था … !!!
Driving with wife, drinking, speeding, husband and wife jokes, latest funny message

A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over.

The cop says to the man, "Do you know that you were speeding?"

The man replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding."

The mans wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles."

"SHUT UP!" the man says to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite."

Then the cop says, "well, since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?"

"No Sir" the man replies, "I did not know that"

"WHATEVER!" His wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!"

"Shut up" the man yells to his wife again! "Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!"

Curios, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this way?"

"No" she replies, " Only when he's drinking!"

Aaj ka faltu gyan, funny hindi jokes and sms, comedy gyan, funny whatsapp message, latest funny message

उन लड़कों को समर्पित ,,
जो साइज़ जीरो वाली लड़कियों के लिए पागल
रहते हैं ___ ?
प्यार करना है तो दिल से करो,
हड्डियों पर तो कुत्ते भी मरते हैं...

-------------------------

आज का ज्ञान
सुबह जल्दी 5 बजे
उठने का भी एक बढिया फायदा है,
फ़ोन चार्ज पर लगाकर(वापस सोकर)
आप 8 बजे तक उसकी बैटरी फुल पा सकते है...

-------------------------

इतिहास गवाह है..
"अलार्म बंद करने के बाद जितनी अच्छी नींद आती है.,
उतनी अच्छी नींद तो रात में भी नही आती..!!"

-------------------------

ये लड़कियों की फेक आई डी चलाने
बाले
लड़के वही है ..
.
जिन्हें बचपन में बहन की फ्रॉक
पहनने का और
अपनी मम्मी की विंदी लगाने
का शौक चड़ गया था...

-------------------------

दुनिया वाले पूछते हैं :
अधूरे सपने पूरे करने के लिए
क्या करना चाहिए ?
.
.
हमारा जवाब है:
दोबारा सो जाना चाहिए...

-------------------------

चाहे कितनी भी अंग्रेजी सीख लो परन्तु अगर
.
.
.
कुत्ता पीछे पड़ जाये तो हट्ट-हट्ट ही कहना पड़ेगा...

Pappu tez baarish mein Doctor ke pass gaya 

Pappu : Doctor saab, Ghar par checkup ki kya fee hai?

Doctor : Rs.300/-

Pappu : Phir, Jaldi chaliye Doctor saab.

Doctor ne Car nikali aur dono Pappu ke ghar pahunch gaye..

Doctor : Mareez kahan hai?

Pappu : Mareez - Wareez koi nahi hai, mujhe taxy wala Ghar tak jaane ki 500/- Mang raha tha. aap 300/- mein le aayi.

Pappu Rocks and Doctor Shocks...

A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic:
Any treatment will cost Rs.300/- and if we can't treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.

A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.

He says to the Doctor: " I can't feel any taste on my tongue... "
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.

After that the MAN shouts: "What the hell ...its URINE!! "
The doctor says, " Congratulations, your sense of taste is back now ".

The MAN was angry as he lost Rs.300.
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.

MAN: Doctor, I have lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! please put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.

MAN : Wait doctor, but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations, your memory is back.

Moral: Don't try to be over smart with Doctors... 

A Lady had three son in laws. To know which one of them loved her.

She took one of them to a lake and pretended to be drowned. The son in law saved her. Next morning a Honda City was at his house stating, "Thanks- Mother In Law".

She did the same with second son in law. The same thing happened and the second son in law got the same gift.

She took the third son in law to the same lake and did the same. But the third son in law did not do the same. He let her drowned. 
The next morning he got a Mercedeez Benz at his house stating, "Thanks-Father in Law".

Manager  : There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.

Manager  : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge

Manager  : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.

Manager  : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.

Manager  : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday

Manager  : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...

Manager  : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!

Moral: 'No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared . If your Manager has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.'

Question : What is Love and explain in details ?.........(40 marks)

USA's Student : Love is life. (marks : 10 from 40)

UK's Student : Love is pain. (marks : 10 from 40)

Indian Student:

Definition:
   A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of 1 or both depending on the resistance associated

Types:
   1 Sided & 2 Sided

Age:
   Usually occurs in teenages but nowdays can be found in any age

Symptoms:
   Tension, Daydreaming, Insomnia, Phone Addiction

Diagnosis:
   Diary, Photos, Mobile

Treatment:
   Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe (or) Mother's Sandal......

(Marks 40 from 40) Excellent !

नफरतों में क्या रखा हैं...
मोहब्बत से जीना सीखो..
            क्योकि
ये दुनियाँ न तो हमारा घर हैं ...
                और...
न ही आप का ठिकाना...
याद रहे ! दूसरा मौका सिर्फ कहानियाँ देती हैं , जिन्दगी नहीं...

Headlines of 2050:
1. Rajnikant in DHOOM 22 
2. Golmaal-15 ready 4 release. 
3. I will play the next world cup-Sachin. 
4. Shahid, Saif attended Kareena's 8th wedding. 
5. Petrol-984 Rs/litre. 
6. Shahrukh khan's daughter becomes a heroine with Amitabh Bachhan in a luv story titled: Cheeni Khatam 
7. CID completd 10,00,000 episodes. 
8. Nokia launches new phone..wid facilities lyk..20 sim card,500 gb in built memory, camera,music player,TV,fridge & washing machine in phone. 
9. Ram gopal varma's phoonk-23 again failed at box office. 
10. India beat Brazil in FIFA world cup. 


Teacher: Home work karyu?
Student: Na nathi karyu.
Teacher:  Kem na karyu?
Student: Light noti
Teacher: Minbati karay ne?
Student: Machis noti
Teacher: Machis kem noti?
Student: Mandir ma hati
Teacher: Tyathi lai avay ne?
Student: Nayo noto
Teacher: Kem?
Student-Pani nohtu.
Teacher: Pani kem nohtu?
Student: Motor chalti noti.
Teacher: Motor kem chalti noti?
Student: Pan budhi vagarni kidhu ne light noti.
Magaj no 8tho kari naykho lya  aane teacher kone banavi?.................!!!!

Marriage joke, married, Girl, latest funny message, jokes on husband and wife

Start class="fbmetaImg bigimg"

Dad : Son you have to get married I have seen a Girl for you
Son : Not possible

Dad : Think twice she is Bill Gates daughter
Son : I m ready.

Dad goes to Bill Gates
Dad : My son wants to marry ur daughter
Bill Gates : Not possible

Dad : Think twice he is the CEO of Swiss Bank
Bill Gates : I m ready

Dad goes to Swiss Bank Authorities
Dad : Make my son the CEO of ur Bank
Authorities : Not possible

Dad : Think twice he is Bill Gates Son in Law
Authorities : Ur Sons job is confirmed


A Doctor returns to Clinic after a day Off & asks his compounder Mr.Pappu about the Patients.

Doctor: How did it go.

Pappu: 1st patient had Headache, I gave SARIDON
Doctor: Okay

Pappu: 2nd had running Nose & I gave him COLDARIN
Impressed Doctor: Good

Pappu: 3rd was a Lady.She Took-Off her Clothes, climbed nude on the Bed. Opened her Legs And Shouted "Help me, for 5 years I have not seen a Man"

Excited Doctor: What did u do?

Pappu: I Put Eye Drops in Her Eyes

Girlfriend Apne Boyfriend Se Phone Par Baat Kar Rahi Thi.

Girlfriend: "I Love You So Much, I Will Always Keep You In My Heart."

Boyfriend: "Please, Do Me A Favour."

Girlfriend: "Anything For You, Just Say."

Boyfriend: "Please Keep Me In Your Brain Insted Of Heart."

Girlfriend: "How Funny, But Why Not In Heart?"

Boyfriend: "Because Your Heart Is Housefull And Brain Is Empty, More Empty Space Means More Comfort." 

When a Non IT Girl Marries an IT Proffessional

He: (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

She: Have you brought the grocery?
He  : Bad command or filename.

She: But I told you in the morning!
He  : Syntax Error. Abort?

She: What about my new TV?
He  : Variable not found...

She: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
He  : Sharing Violation. Access denied...

She: Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
He  : Too many parameters...

She: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
He  : Data type mismatch.

She: You are useless.
He  : It's by Default.

She: What about your Salary?
He  : File in use ... Try later.

She: What is my value in the family.
He  : Unknown Virus

Gabbar and kalia jokes with rajnikant, kitne aadmi the, comedy jokes, sholay movie jokes


Gabbar: Kitne Aadmi the?

Kalia: Sarkar 1

Gabbar: Aur tum?

Kalia: 100

Gabbar: fir b wapas aa gaye woh b khali hath, kaun tha woh ?

Kalia : RAJNIKANT.

Gabbar : Oops ! sorry bhai...